Blah! Mushy entry. Run. Run now!!

Today, we as a county are celebrating Mother’s Day. If you ask my mom, everyday is Mother’s Day and we should each treat our mother’s fantastic everyday, not just once a year. And trust me when I say this, she reminds me of that frequently.

But today is bittersweet, because essentially Mother’s Day is a celebration of the family. As you know, our family has changed dramatically this year. I like to think of it as we were once a square with 4 individual points. Now, I feel that we are a working our way to becoming a triangle with 3 individual points. We haven‘t completed the transition from square to triangle yet, but we’ll get there.

So today, I honor two very special women in my life who just happen to be mothers: my mom and my sister. I wouldn’t be where I am without either of them. I’m so very thankful that I have been able to lean on them in these past few months but also to support them when they are feeling week. Mwah! Love you, ladies!
I know, ya'll want to hear "Wind Beneath My Wings" now. But you know what, I have my limitations people. Take the mush and run because that's all you get. Going to stop now because Hallmark is going to be calling soon for me to write sappy cards. Blah. My Pop is gonna get it when I see him for making me go to such a lowly state. Blah.

Cover Your Assets

We had some excitement in Asheville yesterday, a tornado threat. Its happened once before since I’ve been here, but its very rare. We are so well protected due to the mountains, that it takes a mighty powerful storm to cause even the threat of a tornado.

Well, yesterday morning, I’m in a meeting, just watching the rain blow sideways and the trees whip in the wind. Am I thinking about getting to safety? Am I thinking about what could potentially happen if a tornado occurs? Nope. I’m thinking about tornado drills in elementary school, my rear and Troy Collins.

Remember tornado drills? We would line up down the hallways, on our knees, covering our heads. I recall it being a really serious thing and you had to be quiet. Why was that? If I tornado comes through, its going to be loud so why should I be quiet? Looking back, I wonder if the teachers met in the teacher’s lounge and decided that the students were being bad, so it became “Tornado Drill Day!!!” Oh, how I loathed tornado drill day. Why couldn’t it be Fire Drill Day? Who cares that its 15 degrees outside?! I would rather go outside than have a tornado drill.

Well, my most dreaded day came when I was in 2nd grade. We bowed on our knees to the tornado gods and lined up down the hall. But for some reason that day, another row went right behind us, and I literally mean BEHIND us. And there he was, right behind me, Troy Collins. What made it so bad that day, was that I had a dress on. And again, there was Troy Collins, right behind me. The last thing I remembered was Troy saying to me “Hey Laura, nice Strawberry Shortcake underwear!!” Its all a blur after that.

And its for that reason that I don’t wear dresses. And it wasn’t just that day. Nooooooo, dear reader. Let me take you back to 4th grade. I must have felt adventurous that day because I had on, yet again, another skirt. But this time I was a “big girl” and no mere child. Because on this day, I had on panty hose.

I was strolling from the bathroom headed toward my classroom when I hear Troy Collins (again) and other boys in the hall laughing and pointing at me. I had no idea what they were laughing at. It soon became “transparent” what they were laughing at. The back of my skirt had gotten stuck inside of my hose. And there again was my rear before God, Troy Collins and everyone. One would say that I became the “butt” of the joke that day. I don’t remember anything else after that.

So because of my rear trauma, that is the reason why you’ll rarely see me in a dress or a skirt. And if I see Troy Collins is nearby, you better believe I’m checking my assets!!

** Thanks to the good people at the Wisconsin Historical Society of the 1983 Strawberry Shortcake underwear image.

Missed it by that much

Playlist for post: "Blasphemous Rumors" by Depeche Mode

There are a few things in life that I have hang ups about, and most of them were beyond my control:

1. Not being allowed to be a baton twirler - not majorette - baton twirler.
2. Not being a Brownie. I had to mooch off my friend Tammy Spray for that one.
3. Not able to go to Washington DC on the safety patrol trip. I had a broken ankle and "the man" said I couldn't hack it. I was head safety patrol, people!!
4. Not being able to sing my solo at the Senior Chorale performance in high school. Got up to the mic, they started playing my song, then Mrs. Thomas cancelled it right before I opened my mouth b/c she thought it was later than it actually was. Actually, the clock in the auditorium had stopped. Thus Laura gets jipped.
5. Not able to see Colin Firth at work.

Laura, I know 1-4 but what are you talking about for #5. Well, dear reader, let me be very clear when I say this: Colin Firth aka THE Mr. Darcy was at my place of employment last week. Where was I, you ask? On a romantic get-away with my husband.

I have few fantasies in my life. But I have had this one fantasy since 2000, right after I saw "Pride and Prejudice." Being were I work, celebrities have been known to come by from time to time. Its interesting to see them, but for the most part, its never people that were high on my list to meet. However, I have dreamed that one day Mr. Darcy would be in the area, filming somewhere and pop over for a visit. Being that I would be the only member from my department on hand that day, I would have to give Mr. Darcy a tour. Guess what? It happened. I just forgot to make sure that I was there in the fantasy.

John and I haven't been on vacation with just the 2 of us since our honeymoon, 11 years ago. After the death of my father, I decided that it would be good for the both of us to get away.The one time I go away, Mr. Darcy come to town. Without his wife, I might add.

For those of you who don't know, John and I work at the same place. He works in Security. He usually gets the heads up when VIPs are coming. He SWEARS he didn't know anything about this. Nope, he just whisks me off to Pigeon Forge, pumping me with pancakes, caramel apples, and taffy. Keeping me occupied buying bargain basement priced jewelry and purses, all the while Mr. Darcy is walking right past my office door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am convinced that God has a sense of humor. Its a very warped sense of humor, but one none the less. But then part of me think he did it so that I wouldn't attack Mr. Darcy and force him to reacted the scene from P&P where he says:

"Miss Cope, you are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged. But one word from you on this will silence me on this forever."

Then I would say "My feelings? My feelings are quiet the opposite."

Then he would smile and respond "Dearest, loveliest Laura."

Then we would hightail it to Pemberly and live happily ever after. Of which I would be mistress of.But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I was off celebrating my marriage with my husband. I have a sneaking suspicion that my father is in heaven laughing his butt off over this one. Laugh it up, old man, I'll get you back.

Still Married and No One's Dead

John and I recently celebrated our 11 wedding anniversary. I know. I can't believe it either. It seems like just the other day that I was doing that weird thing with my wrist dropping my hand down so people can see my ring. Yeah, after you get married that stops. Other things that stop are the gifts. It was so nice to come home and have gifts waiting on me. Now, I just have bills waiting on me. All those wonderful towels I got at wedding showers. Well, they have lost their "fluffiness" factor and no one has come to replenish them. resh my towel supply. Nope. We have to take care of that ourselves. Gees, talk about in good times and in bad. Times are tough.

I was talking with a friend the other day about my honeymoon. Two words: it sucked. Oh yeah, I said it. It sucked. I was so excited to be a bride! I was obsessed with our wedding: the right dress, the right colors, the right flowers, beautiful pictures, yada, yada, yada. In all my preparation of the wedding, I left out the honeymoon. We went to Charleston, SC. Both John and I had spent our summers there, so we were familiar with Charleston. Too familiar with Charleston.

We stayed at "2 Meeting Street Inn" right on the Charleston battery and White Point Gardens, overlooking Ft. Sumter. It is a beautiful Queen Anne home. I used to get my picture made in front of it with dreams of a romantic honeymoon. By the time the honeymoon came around, we had a very limited budget, but who cares, right? We're staying at 2 Meeting Street Inn, wedding bliss will be had! WRONG! No disrespect to Anne Frank, but she had a much bigger room than John and I did. The bed took up the room, so that when you walked around the room you had to turn side ways to get by. I have clear memories of John turning on the tv only to find no cable but rather bunny ears. Check out their website. Our room was the "Granite Room. It hasn't changed in 11 years. In the pic, you can still see the top of the bunny ears: http://www.twomeetingstreet.com/rooms-lodging.htm. We now refer to it as the "Anne Frank Room."

This was not the honeymoon I had envisioned. It looked nothing like a Sandals Beach Resort commercials. No beds on the beach with sheers blowing in the wind. No horseback riding on the beach. No, it was me turning sideways in our Anne Frank room to get to the bathroom because one I stepped in horse poo outside of the B&B. By the time we got back to Knoxville, I was so sad. Gone were the bride-to-be dreams. Instead, life had given me a quick taste of reality....and it tasted bad.

Well, dear reader, I'm happy to report that our marriage is nothing like our honeymoon. Oh, our marriage is funny for sure but we always have a good time. Actually, we just got back from a mini-vacation in Pigeon Forge and had a great time! We rented a cabin and had 2,000 square feet of space, glorious space all to ourselves. Hot tub, pool table , jacuzzi and a beautiful view of a landfill. Ahhhh, wedding bliss!